No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
40s are totally the cure
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Randomize
