Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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