epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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