Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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