I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
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