dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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