girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize