I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Randomize
