she woke up with a sticky ear
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
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