The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
