I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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