Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
