Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Randomize
