I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
