Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
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