A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
