Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
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