I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Randomize
