she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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