WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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