she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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