I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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