So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
That was before I lit my hair on fire
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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