I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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