Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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