I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Randomize
