I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
