just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
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