I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Sext me about skeletons
i am craving dick and cupcakes
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
