yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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