roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
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