Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
Randomize
