You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
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