We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
