I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
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