I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
