I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Randomize
