The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize