I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Randomize
