this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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