I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Randomize
