I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Randomize
