I think im going to throw up on grandma
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
