I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
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