tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
I enjoy the company of your penis
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
Randomize
