How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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