You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
