i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Randomize
