When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
