Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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