She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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