what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
