sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
