STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
What drink are we having for lunch?
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
