Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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