I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
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