She is in my trunk
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
