Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
Redeem this text for a blowjob
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize