You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
