We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
