I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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