He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Randomize
