I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
