She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
