I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
Non-Jews are for practice
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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