was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Randomize
