i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I lost the right to judge tonight
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
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