Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Randomize