i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
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