I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize