It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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