can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
