don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
she told me i tasted like america
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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