You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
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