He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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