I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
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