She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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