i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
Randomize
