so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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