Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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