All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
