return my video game
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
