Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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