I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Randomize
