like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
