I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
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