nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Randomize
