All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
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