Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Randomize
