one two three fourrrrnication!
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
