I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Randomize
