He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Randomize
