Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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