Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
