I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
