I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
