so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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