; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
